If you are in the middle of a negotiation and it is time for lunch, northern Europeans and Americans may order in sandwiches and coffee while everyone gets on with the business. It is an indication that they are taking the matter seriously. Breaking off to go to a restaurant may be seen as an unnecessary interruption. But for southern Europeans the signals are opposite. Food and drink figure higher in their value sys­tem. Going to a good restaurant is an indication of seriousness as well as an opportunity to take the discussion further.

Wining and dining are more important the further south one goes in Europe, not because southerners are more sybaritic but because of different concepts of the role of personal relationships within a business relationship. In northern Europe and even more so in North America it is possible to walk into the office of a complete stranger with a proposal and begin to talk business. A business relationship is seen as independent from a personal relationship. It is not that personal relationships do not develop, they are independent of the business relationship. The further south you go in Europe and the further east you round the world the more important it is to cement social and personal relationships before you can even start to work together. Potential partners looking for reassurance that they are good people to do business with before they look at the deal itself. You need introductions, references and time to develop personal relationships before getting down to business. Hospitality and gift giving are an integral part of the courtship period, unlike in northern countries where they belong to the honeymoon – is the Christmas gift in appreciation of last year’s business or in anticipation of next year’s?

Northerners find it difficult to understand not only the importance of personal relationships but also their nature. It does not mean getting on well with others or even liking them. Trust and confidence are important factors but that is true among northerners too. The essential element of a personal relationship in this context is mutual personal obligation. People in ‘relationship cultures’ grow up in networks of mutual obligation, starting with family and extending to religious affiliation, school and university, home town or region, intake into the company or common work experience. They are enhanced and enlarged by favours, gift-giving, hospitality and other intangible exchanges. There is an expectation that people bound by such ties are bound to give first preference to each other in whatever social or business context they interact in. To people outside these cultures this sounds like nepotism and cronyism, even corruption. To those inside them it is the foundation of social and business organisation.